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Do perfect dates make terrible partners?

Posted by Ando, 17 Nov

Apparently, if you want to be in a lasting committed relationship, then you better pick the socially awkward type.

According to some research, the so-called best ‘catches’ on this lovely – or not so lovely – dating land of ours may be the worst choices in the long-run. In social situations, most of us usually seek popular people - who appear to be the most socially appropriate - as romantic partners. However, when it comes to relationships, these people show less satisfaction and commitment than ’socially-awkward’ people.

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By self-monitoring, people usually assess how their actions affect others and alter them to fit the appropriateness of the situation. We screen words and behavior to suit the people around us all the time. Remember the day you got yourself so smashed just to fit in with the care-less-attitude gang? Well, these are what we call ‘social chameleons.’

Much as these social chameleons are excellent negotiators and far more likely to be promoted at work than their low self-monitoring peers, when it comes to romantic relationships, there is a hitch.

"High self-monitors may appear to be the kind of people we want to have relationships with, but they themselves are less committed to and less happy in their relationships than low self-monitors," said Northwestern University professor of communication studies Michael E. Roloff. "The desire to alter one's personality to appropriately fit a given situation or social climate prevents high self-monitors from presenting their true selves during intimate interactions with their romantic partners … Higlikableonitors are very likable and successful people. However, it appears they’re just not deep."

The researchers surveyed the participants on the levels of emotional commitment in their romantic relationships and evaluated their levels of self-monitoring, intimate communication, levels of emotional commitment, relational satisfaction, and relational commitment.

Well, when it comes to face-threatening interactions and honest self-disclosure, they duck probably leaving their partners clueless about the extent of their degree of commitment and regard.

On the other hand, low self-monitors are unlikely to camouflage their feelings or opinions and are more committed to and more satisfied with their relationships. These ‘awkwards’ may ultimately be more genuine and capable of intimate relationships. However, the honesty and loyalty have their downside too because they may be more likely to say blunt and hurtful things.

Given your experience in the dating arena, is this true? So which are you? Social chameleon or socially- awkward?

Moral: If you recently had a first date, RUN!!! - Jus kidding ;-)